(draft) Silence and Feeling

I haven’t had the radio in my car on since . . . May. Or April.

Every now and then I’ll stream music from my phone or listen to a book or podcast.

But for 90% of the miles . . . I drive in silence.

# # #

Feeling and emotion is as real of a dimension in our human experience as thinking and intellectualizing.

We’re prompted so so much to interact intellectually.

Or to interact with responsive emotions, those emotions which are secondary. They are easier to inflame. You can kind of turn them on and off at will … anger, frustration, annoyance, disgust to name a few.

But dwelling there . . . in mind and in responsive emotions . . . has me miss out on the actual experience of being me that happens at the level of primary emotions.

Hurt.

Sadness.

Grief.

Rejection.

Contentment.

Satisfaction.

Honor.

Acknowledgment.

My world has been filled with NOISE that interrupts and drowns those out.

Those emotions are calmer.

Deeper.

Quieter.

More still.

If I move too fast and have the volume too loud, I don’t feel them.

I miss them, feeling instead whatever’s triggered by my environment.

So I’ve turned the volume down.

To feel . .

That is to be connected with myself and what’s actually happening. That is to allow what exists to be there. That is to know myself. That is to resolve all the underlying bits and pieces of my life. That is to do the actual self-awareness and self-improvement work to be available to accomplish more on my own and give more to others.

So yeah . . .

I’m a fan.

Of primary emotion feeling.

And for me, it happens in spaces of stillness and quiet.

It’s there too that, as Elijah said, comes the still, small voice of the Lord. There is that “inner wisdom” narrator. When all that there is to hear is what is inside … not the messages and agenda of others outside … there’s some good stuff there.

A lot more to say.

But for now, that’s all.

I’m a fan . . .

Of primary-level feeling.

And that happens in quiet spaces.

# # #

OH one more thing . . .

 

SOMETIMES that can even mean NOT listening to “good stuff” like General Conference talks. We can take ANYTHING and make it noise. Even holy music and holy writ and holy service can, in our dark desperate moments, be used as distractions.

It’s OK to have time and space of doing nothing but being with yourself and feeling.

We’re NOT required to cram every second of every day with content consumption and busy activity.

By Nat|2016-10-09T23:32:39-06:00October 9th, 2016|Faith, General Life|0 Comments

(draft) A Seemingly Innocuous Argument for HRC as President that’s Actually REALLY Unhealthy

“But think of what it would mean for all the little girls in the United States and the world to see a woman in the White House . . .”

. . .  said a pro-HRC friend.

I’ve heard stuff like this before.

The token victor who then “opens the doors” for everyone else of the same demographic to feel able and capable and worthy.

Well.

It’s a totally unhealthy framework to come from.

The healthiest place for a person to affirm his or her identity is from Self.

In fact, it’s UNHEALTHY to affirm value, capability, identity, worth, possibility, in the actions of another.

Little girls don’t NEED a woman in The White House to say, “as a girl, I can do whatever I want.”

That’s unhealthy.

To place stock of one’s ability in the accomplishments of another.

If a young girl did that . . . built a chunk of her identity as a WOMAN/FEMALE on HRC being president . . .

What if HRC does a horrible job?

What if HRC gets assassinated?

What if HRC gets impeached?

What if she loses in re-election?

What if ANY un-stellar thing happens?

Then all the girls with their identities wrapped up in HRC, a female, being president, could have their futures shattered … “ah, I wanted to be president, but look how it turned out for HRC, a woman . . .”

Or whatever.

There are 100 ways to spin this.

Bottom line:

The ONLY healthy place from which to assert and affirm one’s value and identity is from the Self, and connected with that for those of us who credit existence to a supreme creator and more specific believe we are created in His image . . .

“I have worth because I say so(, that I am a child of God who believes in me and loves me fully, always). I can do good and make a difference because I can and do choose to do that(, with the gift of agency He’s granted unto me and with the power and support He lends to me every day).”

You think this girl needs to see a woman in the White House to become president?

No.

With self-affirmed value like this, she’ll get there all on her if she so chooses to commit herself to that endeavor.

It is a MISTAKE to say, “Oh, but an upside of having a token first-timer of a new demography in this visible position is GOOD because think of the message that sends to everyone of that demographic . . .”

NO.

Think about the ILL already existing in our society if YOU believe that people NEED to see “someone like them” doing something good in order for them to grant themselves permission to go for it.

EVERYONE has value.

EVERYONE is better off believing that and affirming their value on their own, rather than locating it or “finding” it in someone else’s accomplishments.

YOUR value is NOT contingent on ANYONE ELSE’s choices.

If you can see this is true for you . . .

Then indeed I believe you can see it’s true for EVERYONE else too.

# # #

Btw, this is the case for ALL combinations of demographics and roles/positions/accomplishments.

By Nat|2021-01-15T15:37:23-07:00October 9th, 2016|Faith, General Life|0 Comments

Faith Is . . .

I’m tired of lots of gospel words getting thrown around without precise definitions, so as an exercise for myself I’m laying out what I MEAN when I say . . .

 

And Faith would be one of those.

 

Faith is . . .

 

faith is deciding that a set of principles or positions are true and that you are going to live and abide and act as though they are true, when you have no factual reality/basis that they are, universally, for everyone, true

 

and it is going forward with that framework, believing in it, believing in yourself for having made it, believing in the source that makes it work (God), believing that come what may, you will weather it and the framework will still work and bring about the results you want

the belief is all there … and it’s living / speaking / choosing / acting in accordance with … that is the faith part

By Nat|2016-10-09T19:02:43-06:00October 9th, 2016|Faith|0 Comments

(draft) Why I stopped saying “do you want to?”

The Plague of “Do You Want To…” As An Invitation or Imperative.

Why I stopped saying “do you want to?”

Parent asks child: “Do you want to wash the dishes?”

Boss asks a direct report: “Do you want to take care of that?”

Date asks date: “Do you want to pass the salt?”

Sibling asks sibling: “Do you want to get carrots for me when you go to the store?”

Endless scenarios of people using this construction, INQUIRING about another’s DESIRE … when REALLY what they are communicating is a REQUEST or a DIRECTIVE.

WHY?

We avoid the imerpative because we don’t want to be seen as bossy or commanding. Or we lack the authority. Or we’re afraid of our own authority.

AND becuase it’s SCARY to make an ACTUAL request, because requests can get REJECTED … and then the rejected requestor has to deal with rejection as a possible reflection of something about them (even though it’s not).

By relocating desire from THEMSELVES to making it a matter of the person they are (asking), then they aren’t dealing with rejection, they are dealing with the factual reality of “oh, that person didn’t want to do …”

But that’s not REALLY COMFORTING.

Because inside, you’re STILL ROBBED that you didn’t ask for what you want.

It’s UNHEALTHY.

Parents. OF COURSE your kids DO NOT WANT to wash the dishes.

So WTF are you asking if they do?

The fact is, YOU WANT them to wash them. You WANT their contribution. You WANT to feel their love for you and their respect for you in their WILLINGNESS to say YES to something they DON’T WANT. So ASK THEM. And be ready to deal with if they say NO. “Will you wash the dishes tonight?” “No.” Ok, now what? You have a real matter to negotiate on your hands.

“Do you want to wash the dishes?” “No.”

… crickets …

There wasn’t action on the table anyway. A pointless conversation.

LOVE is service rendered and received.

By NOT ASKING, and instead using this weird deceptive form of imperative construction or masquerading a request as an inquiry, you are DENYING yourself the opportunity to be loved.

“Do you want want to wash the dishes?” “YEs!”

Now you’re stuck with … well, I’m NOT sure if s/he is washing the dishes … FOR ME. Because s/he said s/he WANTED TO.

“Will you wash the dishes?” “Ugh, I don’t want to. And I will.”

BOOM. THERE is a communication of love.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” “Do you want to marry me?”

WHO CARES what the (hypothetical) exchange of info is.

WILL you go on a date with me?

WILL you marry me?

You’ll KNOW soon enough whether they REALLY want to by the willingness to accept a commitment to ACTION … AND again in the follow through.

So . . .

if i EVER ask “do you want to . . . ” it is 100% ONLY the case of that language, that I am inquiring for another’s desire. I will NEVER intimate a request or an imperative with “do you …” I will ALWAYS . . . . .  A S K.

By Nat|2021-01-15T15:37:23-07:00October 9th, 2016|General Life|0 Comments

(Draft) A Testimony Is . . .

Testimonies are relationships

Relationships must be nurturerd

Stop nurturing => testimony withers and dies

 

instead of asking, “do I have a testimony?” <== binary yes/no answer

ask instead, “what is the condition of my testimony?” <== assumes you HAVE a testimony … because YOU DO. a testimony is a relationship. there already is a relationship between you and ALL THINGS that exist (materially, existentially, etc.)

By Nat|2016-10-09T18:40:57-06:00October 9th, 2016|Faith|0 Comments

(Draft) About Relationships … Business vs Love

Rough notes for a blog on relationships … different dynamics of business-based relationships and love-based relationships, why they are fundamentally different and therefore warnings on “doing business with friends.”

 

Relationships

Business

Employer-employee, client-contractor, principal-agent, company-customer, etc
Both look for a fixed trade that each determines is beneficial
-limited in time
-limited in scope
-entity-entity
-may be spelled out in contract
-material exchange
-NOT on equality, the exchange is 2 different things: “I have A, you want A; you have B, I want B”

 

LOVE

Friend-friend, family-family, partner-partner, etc
-infinite
-no scope
-human-human
-continuously generated in language, often not in signed/written contract because it is infinite
-non-material, emotional exchange
-ON equality: equal exchange: “I want your respect; you want my respect”

 

Pillars of love:

Serve: give and receive, ask for ask to
Share: vulnerability, celebration
Believe: in them, in them believing in me … faith … unconditional championship … benefit of the doubt

By Nat|2021-01-15T15:37:23-07:00October 9th, 2016|General Life|0 Comments

(Draft) Why I’m Categorically Against MLMs and Network Marketing

Dumping ideas for a blog post … if you really want to see this fleshed out (including screen shots of ridiculous conversations I’ve had with MLMers trying to recruit me), leave a comment. More comments = more likely I’ll write up the anti-MLM Manifesto.

  • i don’t care what they say, it always turns into a pyramid structure
  • misaligned incentives …
  • incentivized to buy all products in a category from one company … all the time … can’t enjoy the innovation of the market, can’t enjoy deals and taking advantage of price fluctuations in the marketing … penalized for buying a superior product from another company because it takes longer to reach points / levels etc
  • “distributors” have mixed motives … not truly allowed to be about helping people w/the product and serving customers because they have a mixed motive to recruit additional distributors
  • back in day, made a little sense for “high education” products or whatever because you could use a champion / demo person to show small groups of people how to use the product ….. but we live in the day of the internet. why on earth don’t the companies own the education, do it online, and sell the products direct?? (because they know their top-level customers will buy MORE product if they are incentivized to buy more and if they are incentivized to appear as power users to recruit people to use more / sell it themselves)
  • gamified mess of buying MORE THAN YOU NEED from the company every month … this is good for the company’s balance sheet and income / cash flow statements … but this is a huge risk for the user / distibutor
  • the sleeziness of multiple point structures … dollar value and actual value, that they can mix and match in various ways to put you in a position to buy EVEN MORE to get that extra “bonus” … so super constructed to get you to buy buy buy buy rather than “use what you need, buy what you use.”
  • the two-facedness of recruiting people for a dream … when “empowering them” to achieve their dream REQUIRES they invest in YOUR DREAM. all this talk of “independent business owner … ” NO there is ANYTHING BUT independence here because the higher level recruiters are selling you a dream and putting you in a spot to depend on them and the company to realize financial success
  • if you REALLY are a health and wellness company, WTH are you going to such great lengths to also be a “seeder of entrepreneurs?” just provide health and wellness products … and do that well. another way of saying it: EVERY MLM/NM company is not in ONE business. They are in two. The actual product or service is a FACADE / JUSTIFIER for the PRIMARY business which is, “how many people can we get locked into spending X amount of dollars with us every month, and dedicated like crazy, on our behalf, to recruit more people to do the same?”
  • general sense of selling the story / community / dream more than objectively looking at products. how, REALLY, do the doterra oils compare to what’s available on the market? I don’t even know, because if I’m wrapped up in doterra I won’t even look on Amazon for the market price … I’m trying to figure out how to make enough money to spend what I need to spend with Doterra to qualify for the privileges of being a distributor or a preferred distributor.
  • PLENTY of people sell successfully and ethically without using the product or service they sell … so the REQUIREMENT that someone personally buy $100 worth of a product every month (for personal use) so they have the right to be a distributor of it is insane
  • the deceptiveness of the lure … investor seeks trainee … $10k/month. YEAH, IN COST
  • incentivizes people to split their time … what’s more important, becoming an OILS EXPERT and helping people WITH OILS and making money SELLING OILS … or also becoming a master recruiter?? orrrrrr for real estate investing … WTF aren’t you just DOING DEALS? Why spend half your time recruiting too? LAME. just DO YOUR JOB. DO YOUR WORK. being BOTH a “doer” and a salesman/recruit SPLITS incentives and effs with stuff.
  • the dishonesty about how revolutionary stuff is … hyping the opportunity of something when it is no different from marketing offerings. MIRACLE shakes??? I guaran-damn-tee you mix of protein, sugar and fiber is no different from what anyone else out there is making. stop touting the lifestyle of users, objectively get to your product. if you’re selling a lifestyle, start a club.
By Nat|2021-01-15T15:37:23-07:00October 9th, 2016|Marketing|0 Comments