Given in the Holladay 10th Ward
A friend posted: “I need some good topics for Sunday speakers. Hit me up with topics you have liked or would like to hear about.” Without any hesitation I banged out this list of ideas for LDS sacrament meeting talks.
A few of the immediate reactions:
“If I ever write a book, you’re picking the title.”
“Holy cow! Where did all these come from? Seriously the titles alone speak a sermon.”
“Nat holy cow. If you just came up with those that is mind blowing.”
Spice up your Sunday meetings with these starting points off the beaten path.
Would borrow from Forgiveness + Tribulation, a talk I gave fall 2019.
The Fifth Commandment enjoins: “Honor thy father and thy mother.”
Romans 3:23 says: “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
How can we, how do we, honor parents … when they have ALL fallen short—at best—and done real harm, at worst?
… for there is a God, and he hath created all things … both things to act and things to be acted upon … Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself.
2 Nephi 2:14-16
[M]en should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will … For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves.
D&C 58:26-27
vs.
And let every man esteem his brother as himself … And again I say unto you, let every man esteem his brother as himself. For what man among you having twelve sons, and is no respecter of them, and they serve him obediently, and he saith unto the one: Be thou clothed in robes and sit thou here; and to the other: Be thou clothed in rags and sit thou there—and looketh upon his sons and saith I am just? Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.
D&C 38:24-27
And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one.
John 17:22-23
I believe “time isn’t found, it is made” is a Henry B Eyring line. Need to verify.
There’s so much to unpack from these opening 8 lines.
(I don’t have kids. To someone who does, go for it.)
Why I stopped saying “do you want to?”
Parent asks child: “Do you want to wash the dishes?”
Boss asks a direct report: “Do you want to take care of that?”
Date asks date: “Do you want to pass the salt?”
Sibling asks sibling: “Do you want to get carrots for me when you go to the store?”
Endless scenarios of people using this construction, INQUIRING about another’s DESIRE … when REALLY what they are communicating is a REQUEST or a DIRECTIVE.
WHY?
We avoid the imerpative because we don’t want to be seen as bossy or commanding. Or we lack the authority. Or we’re afraid of our own authority.
AND becuase it’s SCARY to make an ACTUAL request, because requests can get REJECTED … and then the rejected requestor has to deal with rejection as a possible reflection of something about them (even though it’s not).
By relocating desire from THEMSELVES to making it a matter of the person they are (asking), then they aren’t dealing with rejection, they are dealing with the factual reality of “oh, that person didn’t want to do …”
But that’s not REALLY COMFORTING.
Because inside, you’re STILL ROBBED that you didn’t ask for what you want.
It’s UNHEALTHY.
Parents. OF COURSE your kids DO NOT WANT to wash the dishes.
So WTF are you asking if they do?
The fact is, YOU WANT them to wash them. You WANT their contribution. You WANT to feel their love for you and their respect for you in their WILLINGNESS to say YES to something they DON’T WANT. So ASK THEM. And be ready to deal with if they say NO. “Will you wash the dishes tonight?” “No.” Ok, now what? You have a real matter to negotiate on your hands.
“Do you want to wash the dishes?” “No.”
… crickets …
There wasn’t action on the table anyway. A pointless conversation.
LOVE is service rendered and received.
By NOT ASKING, and instead using this weird deceptive form of imperative construction or masquerading a request as an inquiry, you are DENYING yourself the opportunity to be loved.
“Do you want want to wash the dishes?” “YEs!”
Now you’re stuck with … well, I’m NOT sure if s/he is washing the dishes … FOR ME. Because s/he said s/he WANTED TO.
“Will you wash the dishes?” “Ugh, I don’t want to. And I will.”
BOOM. THERE is a communication of love.
“Do you want to go on a date with me?” “Do you want to marry me?”
WHO CARES what the (hypothetical) exchange of info is.
WILL you go on a date with me?
WILL you marry me?
You’ll KNOW soon enough whether they REALLY want to by the willingness to accept a commitment to ACTION … AND again in the follow through.
So . . .
if i EVER ask “do you want to . . . ” it is 100% ONLY the case of that language, that I am inquiring for another’s desire. I will NEVER intimate a request or an imperative with “do you …” I will ALWAYS . . . . . A S K.
