Holiday Origins – Founding Documents to Explain Why We Celebrate

One summer I got invited to a 4th of July brunch. Among the logistical details, the invitation read: “Breakfast & a patriotic thought by David.”

“I’ve been waiting all year for this invite,” said one friend.

“Independence Day is always best celebrated with our Canadian-American friends!” said another.

David is Canadian.

Despite holding citizenship north of the border, David loves America.

His patriotic thought was, primarily, a recitation of the Declaration of Independence.

As David pointed out, if you omit the list of grievances against King George III, the document is rather short. Short enough that two people reading out loud and alternating paragraphs is a welcome break during a summer brunch party and not so long to lose anyone’s attention.

I loved it.

I loved that David took us back to the genesis of the 4th of July.

I loved connecting our pancakes, lawn chairs and stamped red-white-and-blue napkins with the American Forefathers, despotism and bold action.

David’s example inspired this assembly of founding documents to read each year with friends and family — a project which quickly expanded to include further background, details of traditional festivities and additional ideas for celebrating.

  1. New Year’s Eve / New Year’s Day
    • See below – 7th and 8th Days of Christmas.
  2. The Feast of Epiphany
    • Epiphany means manifestation or appearance. Celebrates the visit of the Magi to the Christ Child, and thus Jesus Christ’s physical manifestation to the Gentiles.
    • Also known as Three Kings’ Day, Theophany and the Feast of Lights
    • Falls on January 6, marking the completion of the 12 Days of Christmas (see below). May be bumped to the first Sunday after Jan 1.
    • While Day 8 is the day to complete the giving of gifts, additional gifts may be given this day as well. Gifts given this day should be tied directly to, or given in the same spirit of, the gifts of the 3 wise men to the baby Jesus.
    • The Epiphany Feast completes the season of Christmas by inviting us to discern the identity of the Christ Child, as revealed in three events:
      • to the wise men (Matt 2:1-19) through the Star of Bethlehem;
      • during his baptism (Matt 3:13-17) when a dove descended from heaven and God, the father, spoke; and
      • during the wedding at Cana when he turned water into wine (John 2:1-11).
    • Traditions:
      • Bake a Three Kings’ Cake – As the Magi (the three wise men) made a careful search for the Child King upon His birth, so we should acknowledge that an important component of our faith involves seeking and searching for the Lord in unlikely places. Prepare and eat a sweet Three Kings’ Cake with a toy baby hidden inside. In the symbolic search for the baby Jesus, the person who finds the baby Jesus in his or her piece of cake is awarded the honor of providing the next year’s cake and/or hosting the celebration.
      • Mark a door lintel with the Magi’s blessing – To reciprocate the blessings of a host, guests prepare and read a brief spiritual thought that includes the biblical account of the Magi’s visit to Jesus (Matt 2:1-19) and then make a series of marks with chalk on a door frame. The markings include letters, numbers, and crosses in a pattern like this: 20 † C † M † B † 24. The numbers correspond to the calendar year (e.g. 20-24 for the year 2024); the crosses stand for Christ; the letters have a two-fold significance:
        • C, M, and B are the initials for the traditional names of the Magi (Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar)
        • they also abbreviate the Latin blessing Christus mansionem benedicat, which means “May Christ bless this house”
      • Elaborate worship with lighted candles – We can also learn from the Magi how to be attentive to the light. Consider a candlelight procession starting with a series of small candles and advancing to larger ones. Finish with a central candle sufficient to light the scriptures for a vocal reading. This may be the Christ Candle from the Advent Wreath. You may also eat by candlelight or observe the stars in the heavens. In this way, pursuing light serves as a visual representation of our need to seek divine assistance and find God’s presence in our lives. The act of lighting candles focuses our attention and helps narrate the drama of God’s self-revelation in Jesus.
  3. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
  4. Candlemas Day
    • Feb 2 – 40 days after Christmas.
    • Commemorates Joseph and Mary presenting Jesus at the Temple (Luke 2:22-40)
      • Note the faith of Simeon and Anna, who each looked forward their whole lives and, in their twilight years, were finally blessed to witness Christ
    • Also known as Feast of the Presentation of Jesus Christ, the Feast of the Purification of the Blessed Virgin Mary or the Feast of the Holy Encounter
    • This day also celebrates the Coming of Spring Light, paganized as Groundhog Day
    • An appropriate day to take down the Christmas Tree
  5. Valentine’s Day
    • Feb 14
  6. President’s Day
  7. St. Patrick’s Day
    • March 17
    • Honors St Patrick, a 5th century Christian missionary who “drove the snakes out of Ireland” while he served as a bishop there (source). The snakes represent pagan traditions and the druids of whom he was the first to successfully convert to Christianity (source).
    • Four- and three-leaf clovers. Today it is common to use the four-leaf clover year round as a symbol of good luck. The clover and green are prominent symbols of St Patrick’s Day. However, the 4-leaf and “luck” are pagan adulterations that rewind St Patrick’s success in converting the Irish to Christianity. Patrick used the three-leaf clover to teach people about The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost — operating in unity for the benefit of mankind (source).
    • Wearing green. “In the late 1700s, the Society of United Irishmen, an underground nationalist group that sought to emulate the American Revolution and overthrow English rule, used the color green as a symbol of their cause. To avoid being spotted by the English, a nationalist revolutionary might wear a subtle hint of green, such as a green feather in his cap […] As Irish immigrants arrived in the United States and other countries in the 1800s, they took the custom of wearing green with them,” evolving into a method of loudly proclaiming their presence in the community (source). Today, we might swap out four-leaf clovers for three and wear green as a symbol of our willingness to witness our faith in God.
  8. Passover
  9. Palm Sunday
  10. Easter
  11. Memorial Day
  12. Flag Day
  13. Juneteenth
  14. July 4th
  15. Pioneer Day
  16. Labor Day
  17. Constitution Day
  18. Rosh Hashanah
  19. Yom Kippur
  20. Columbus/Indigenous People’s Day
  21. Halloween + Dia de los Muertos
  22. Veterans Day (Armistice Day)
  23. Thanksgiving
  24. Advent
    • Many thanks to Evangeline Taylor for her research on Advent and Christmas Feasts that kicked this off
    • Begins 4 weeks before Christmas or on the last Sunday of November.
    • The Christmas tree is historically put up the week before Advent.
    • It is a time of expectant waiting and preparation for both the celebration of the birth of Christ and His return at the Second Coming.
    • Activities throughout: Advent calendars or wreaths, hanging garlands/greenery, fasting, adding decorations to the tree, daily devotionals and prayers, gift giving, visiting with friends and family
    • Readings + Listenings suggested to prep for Christmas:
    • Sunday Readings + Candles:
      • Candles may be placed in a wreath of evergreens, symbolizing eternal life: evergreens for the continuity of life thru the seasons, and the circle for God’s course being one eternal round.
      • M-Sa: readings on preparing for the Second Coming and the Final Judgment.
      • Sundays:
        • Week Preceding Advent – Feast of Christ the King. Set the context that the entire season focuses on Christ as our Prophet, Priest and King.
        • First – looking forward to the coming of Christ: Isaiah, Old Testament Patriarchs, Book of Mormon prophecies and other texts foreshadowing His coming. Light the Prophecy Candle.
        • Second – preparation for His arrival – e.g. the preaching of John the Baptist. Light the Bethlehem Candle.
        • Third – the joy associated with the coming of our Savior. Light the Angel Candle.
        • Fourth – the events involving Mary and Joseph that led directly to the birth of Jesus. Light the Shepherd Candle.
        • Fifth (week after Christmas) – Light the Christ Candle (may also be lit on Christmas Eve).
  25. Christmas Day
    • Annually on December 25
    • Merges pagan traditions of celebrating the birth of light (Winter Solstice, shortest day of the year) with the Birth of Light — the Savior of the World, Jesus Christ
    • Begins eight days of gift giving (Days 1-8, see below)
    • Read: Luke 2
  26. The 12 Days of Christmas (source)
    • Dec 25 – Day 1 – Christmas Day – (see above)
    • 26 – Day 2 – Feast of St Stephen – commemorates the apostle Stephen’s care of the poor. Leaving the comfort of your home to deliver food to the needy reminds us, ultimately, of Jesus’s compassion for the needy. In the famous Christmas carol, Good King Wenceslas shows compassion to a peasant on the feast of Stephen.
    • 27 – Day 3 – Feast of St John – celebrates Christ’s love for the apostle John, but also His deep love for all mankind. On this day, traditional toasts are made with Saint John’s love, a mulled wine from which the alcohol is boiled away.
    • 28 – Day 4 – Feast of the Holy Innocents (Childermas) – a somber day to reflect upon the first-born of Israel who were slain by Herod’s forces in an effort to kill Jesus. Read: Matt 2:13-23. Reflecting on this loss reminds us of Jesus’s later sacrifice of His own life to save us from our sins, His Resurrection and triumph over death, and the necessity for us to give “up” to God our first and very best.
    • 29 – Day 5 – Feast of St Thomas Becket – commemorates the death of the bishop of Canterbury who was martyred on this day in 1170. His fight to prevent the monarchy from usurping power over the church reminds us of the battle Jesus won to deliver his church from the tyranny of sin. This, then, is a day to celebrate freedom and the courage to stand up to tyranny.
    • 30 – Day 6 – Feast of St Egwin of Worcester – remembers the founder of Evesham Abbey, a sixth-century bishop who was a protector of widows and orphans. Egwin was jealous about morality and the sanctity of marriage. His feast day gives us the opportunity to reflect on the righteousness and purity of God. Reading and reflecting on the Ten Commandments (Ex 20:1–17) and Beatitudes (Matt 5:3-10) would make this day meaningful.
    • 31 – Day 7
      • Feast of St Sylvester/Silvester – honors the burial day of a fourth-century pope. Sylvester is said to have slain a dragon—this seems entirely appropriate for someone charged with the responsibility of ushering in a whole year. The practice of setting off fireworks on New Year’s Eve probably originated as an activity on the feast of Saint Sylvester, symbolizing the conquering of the dragon’s fire.
      • New Year’s Eve – an evening to express gratitude, giving thanks to all those who contributed to a good year. Sing Auld Lang Syne (Spotify) and toast friends and family. The title means for the sake of old times (source).
    • Jan 1 – Day 8
      • Note: 7 represents a full cycle (the 7 days of creation), and 8 represents wholeness as it is 7 plus 1, indicating completion of the cycle and arriving back at the beginning. So 8 is completion plus new beginnings.
      • Final day of giving gifts. The idea of 8 days of gift giving is to celebrate, for 8 solid days, the Gift of Christ and to express gratitude for His Grace. Just as Christ’s role in our lives is multidimensional, so too are we blessed by many types of relationships, or in many unique ways by an individual relationship. Each day, we can focus gifts on honoring various social and family roles, or on honoring the various facets of relationships with those closest to us. With eight days of gift giving complete, the remaining 4 days focus on their celebratory feasts.
      • Feast of the Circumcision of Christ – commemorates this event in Jesus’ life. Circumcising an infant on the eighth day after birth is an act of obedience symbolizing intentional separation, being set apart for God. Read: Luke 2:21.
      • New Year’s Day – The 8th Day of Christmas symbolizes completion of the new year and new beginnings. This day is a day to honoring Mother Mary and all mothers — those who bring new life.
    • Jan 2 – Day 9 – Feast of St Basil the Great – celebrate by baking a gold coin or coins or other prizes into a loaf of bread in honor of St Basil’s philanthropy. He originated this practice to distribute money to the poor of his church.
    • Jan 3 – Day 10 – Feast of the Holy Name of Jesus – memorializes the day Jesus formally received his name in the Jewish temple. Of course, His name was foretold in earlier revelations. Jesus means “God Saves.”
    • Jan 4 – Day 11 – Feast of St Simeon the Stylite (source) – St Simeon’s faith was influenced by hearing the Beatitudes when he was a young boy in the early 4th century. Upon coming of age he sought out the monastic life and devoted himself to extreme self-denial and prayer. He was so disciplined and extreme in his sacrifice that he was found unfit for community life and went to live as a hermit. When he went the whole of Lent without food or drink, it was considered to be miraculous. In preparation for the lavish celebration of Twelfth Night, and in connection with St Simeon’s asceticism, consider the 11th Day Feast an opportunity to eat sparingly.
    • Jan 5 – Day 12 – Twelfth Night or Epiphany Eve – a lighthearted occasion. In traditional English festivities, serve a cake with a bean baked in. Whomever finds the bean is ordered to declare that the normal order of things be “turned upside down” until midnight. The Christmas tree can come down on Twelfth Night and its branches burned in a bonfire (or save the tree until Candlemas Day, Feb 2). May exchange additional gifts.
    • Jan 6 – Day 13 – Epiphany – (see above)
By |2024-09-01T15:46:47-06:00May 27th, 2024|Faith, General Life|0 Comments
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On Giving Christmas Gifts: A Debrief

It’s been a month since celebrating Jesus’ birth and the rebirth of light — and exchanging Christmas gifts.

That means 11 months more until Christmas and gift-giving season comes again.

Christmas thoughts from last year: Half as Close as I Want to Be

We sing “Keep Christmas with you, all through the year…”

Here’s some inspiration I’ve found on how to ‘keep Christmas with me’ — particularly with regard to the giving of Christmas gifts.

If you caught my Christmas stories, you’ll remember Manly P. Hall was a frequent source. All quotes here are from his essays in The Meanings of Christmas.

Christmas tree and thoughts on giving Christmas gifts
Like last year, rocking my Christmas tree deep into Jan. It is a winter holiday after all.

We say that it is unfortunate that times have changed and that Christmas is now a heavy economic responsibility. This development is in part due to a general misunderstanding and to the changes which the motions of civilization have wrought.

p61

This post is an effort to solidify my realigned understandings of Christmas and the giving of gifts.

For nearly fifteen centuries, the concept of Christmas giving and sharing was comparatively free from what we call “commercialism.” In older times, there were neither means nor circumstances that invited extravagance. Gifts were considered important principally because they represented the personal thoughtfulness, skill, and industry of the giver. Presents were quietly accumulated through the year.

pp59

One rather happy arrangement is not to shop at Christmastime at all but throughout the preceding year. One day we may stay to ourselves, “This would make my father happy,” or “This is just what my sister has always wanted.” That is the time to purchase the gift and to lay it away, as was the habit in olden times. Then when Christmas comes, there is no last-minute emergency, no hasty selection, and no meaningless gift. Also, the Christmas spirit lives throughout the year, and we recover from the absurdity of last-minute generosity. We are told in the legend that Santa Claus works all year long together his toys. Why not follow his example? In this case, the beautiful is also the practical, and no special funds need to be allocated to a single week or month. Nor are we faced with the haste and fatigue of late shopping. Thus we will come to Christmas with an eagerness to bring happy consummation months of kindly thought and preparation.

pp103-104

I am a firm believer in collecting gifts through the year.

The magic of Christmas is in the giving. The “collecting” can be exhausting, especially if crammed and done at the same time as everyone else.

Creative and soul-based ‘performance’ improves when timelines and pressure are absent.

Collect all year when there is no looming deadline. Let the surplus accumulate. Then you’ll be stocked.

When you release your stock of goodness, you become the source of the Spirit of the Season.

The logistics of sending gifts

Consider …

Isn’t part of the fun of Christmas actually seeing gifts under the tree day after day so that your anticipation builds as you wonder what they could be?

Would you rather:

(A) have gifts arrive on Christmas Eve with no time for anticipation,

OR

(B) have gifts arrive December 1 and spend all month getting excited about what is to come?

I prefer (A).

Once I looked at this situation thru the lens of people receiving gifts I send, I realized it is so much better to get goods shipped by Thanksgiving so that they get not only the gift but they also get the anticipation of a gift.

I don’t execute this perfectly.

But I am now deeply converted to the timeline.

[In those older times, t]here was no problem with the competitive value of presents given or received. Communities were essentially poor, but this fact placed no restraint upon the spirit of thanksgiving and the pleasure of small remembrances. The very simplicity of the old Christmas was part of its charm and helped to keep alive and bright the secret of the celebration. After all, it was in honor of a man who had renounced the things of this world, for the birds of the air had their nests, and the beasts of the field had their lairs, but the Son of Man had no place to lay his head.

pp60

One year my family celebrated Christmas miles and miles from where any of us lived. Transporting our typical tree decor was not feasible. We weren’t familiar with where to cut a tree in this new locale. But we got a tree and decorated it.

When considering what to do for tree decorations, my mind recalled scenes from an old Disney Christmas special where a 19th century family strung popcorn together on long chains and then strung those chains around their tree. So that’s what we did, adding cranberries for color.

My young nieces and nephews not adept with needles and thread cut strips of green and red construction paper to make long paper chains.

It was cheap. But we made it — together.

I loved that tree and those memories.

Most people are no longer sufficiently resourceful or skillful at making with their own hands gifts for their loved ones. We feel that we do not have the time, but in fact we lack the inclination. So today, we simply go out and buy, and join the throng, which has transformed this gentle festival into a merchants’ holiday. Is the merchant really to blame because we try to buy a spiritual experience that can come to us only in our hearts?

We all need to appreciate Christmas as an excursion of the fantasy — a journey into the into the land of mystery — where everything is wonderful and beautiful, and good is always triumphant.

p62

The best Christmas gifts likely have negative, raw economic ROI

I have a friend who is an amateur carver.

He is carving a nativity creche.

The economic ROI of making one himself is brutally negative vis a vis spending those carving hours as a consultant making extra earnings and purchasing a product crafted by an expert.

His final product will not be the most beautiful to the critic’s eye.

But it will be beautiful to those who have it and see it, to those who unwrap it, display it and put it away each year. Because … “father made it.”

Many folks say that they have no idea what some other person would like. This claim means that through the period of an acquaintance, we have had slight communion with the inner life of our friend. We have not been observant of their ways or thoughtful of their character.

p103

There must be a certain amount of wisdom to direct our giving. If there is little real beauty and appreciation behind our selection of gifts, we can have another cause for disillusionment. We give and receive an incredible array of worthless and impractical knickknacks. […] Christmas buying should not be a waste but a thoughtful selection of things meaningful or significant. It does not follow that we must select utilities — socks, neckties, and handkerchiefs as presents are the last resources of the unimaginative. Let us remember that the purpose of each gift is that it shall contribute to the consciousness of the Christmas Season. It should brighten the soul of both the giver and the recipient. It is a symbol by which we tell people that we remember them, not just as one of many, but as one cherished and understood.

p102

Needs, tool and utilities as gifts — just say ‘No’

I remember during my teenage years receiving a handful of expensive items from my parents, often in the back half of the year, which came with the words, “Consider this your Christmas gift.”

I understand what my parents were going through and why said they this.

I have no problem with the actions, but I wish the words had been different.

There was unnecessary loss in the meanings left open for available interpretation. Something along the lines of, “All I can do for a gift for you is spend money.” That isn’t true. But it stuck.

There is no problem with a family budget in which gifts and tools compete for limited funds.

That is a fact of life and perhaps an important moment to help children understand part of maturing is embracing one’s role in making tradeoff decisions.

However, a TI-89 for your calculus-enrolled child is not a gift. It is a utility.

Let tools be tools … and gifts be gifts. And may our words and presentation match accordingly.

Reflecting on these and similar experiences, I now say about Christmas lists and gifting in general: “It isn’t a shopping list. If you need it, we’ll plan accordingly and buy it.”

Further, I no longer request or publish Christmas lists and even go so far as to hold back from offering suggestions.

No matter how the most recent Christmas went for you, I wish you a year filled with the spirit of thoughtful and anticipatory giving, and a coming Christmas season where you and those you love “share[] in the benevolent conspiracy and the general atmosphere of expectancy” (p59).

A Christmas present is a symbol. We give of what we have, to indicate our intention to give of what we are. We tell our loved ones that they may depend upon us for strength and integrity and protection. It is a mistake if we allow the spirit of Christmas to be exhausted on a symbolic level. Nor should we bury the spirit of Christmas under a stack of presents.

p61

🎁🎄🌟

By |2024-01-28T16:01:38-07:00January 28th, 2024|Faith|0 Comments
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We Each Have a Story

Given in the Holladay 10th Ward

Intro

Thank you, Brother Clayton. As he said, my name is Nat Harward and I have been attending the ward off-and-on since September of last year, when I moved into one of the extra rooms with Josh and KC Brothers at the big red house on the corner of Wander and 45th that everyone knows.

It really has been a blessing in my life to be here in this ward. I appreciate the warmth and outreach that I have received from so many of you. And I hope that through the duration of the time that you get to be in this ward, that you will continue offering the goodness that you have to your neighbors and receiving and welcoming the nurturing spirit of those who are around you here.

The Start of our Story

Today I’ll be reflecting on Elder Gong’s talk from April 2022 conference, entitled “We Each Have a Story.”1 And as I continue, I’ll keep coming back to a foil of themes:

  • having vs choosing and
  • inheriting vs creating.

Each of our stories, as unique as they are, starts with family.

Whether or not we know them, we are each born of a mother and a father. And each mother and father is likewise born of a mother and father.

Elder Gerrit W. Gong, “We Each Have a Story”

And regardless of who and how and whether the mother-father roles in our lives were filled, “we are ultimately all connected in the family of God and in the human family.” Perhaps it is because our first relationships are with a mother and father that “When asked where meaning comes from in life, the majority of people rank family first” (Gong).

And so there begins each of our stories — with our mother and father and the physical inheritance that they bestow on us: our bodies encoded from a combination of their DNA.

Family Inheritances: Biology and then Some

In the book, It Didn’t Start With You a psychologist named Mark Wolynn suggests that at birth we inherit a lot more than just our parents’ biology:

When your grandmother was five months pregnant with your mother, the precursor cell of the egg you developed from was already present in your mother’s ovaries. This means that before your mother was even born, your mother, your grandmother and the earliest traces of you were all in the same body — three generations sharing the same biological environment. […] Your inception can be similarly traced in your paternal line. The precursor cells of the sperm you developed from were present into your father when he was a fetus in his mother’s womb.

emphasis added; Wolynn

You’ve probably already considered inheritances received from your parents beyond just their biology. Things like:

  • tradition
  • habits
  • mannerisms
  • recipes
  • stories
  • favorite vacation places
  • ways of speaking

and things like this.

All of these you might have found traces of further up the family tree, as things — not just from them (your parents) but from their parents or many, many generations back — all of these pieces of culture that get handed down from one generation to the next.

“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. Each of them are live in this moment. Each present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”

Thich Nhat Hanh, A Lifetime of Peace

So in this way, our ancestors are all “Still very much alive” and “deserve to be remembered,” as they are the sources of so much that exists in our individual lives (Gong). By remembering them, we can be conscious of where and when pieces of our current lives or our inherited stories come from and perhaps even why they exist. And that understanding gives us a chance to make a clearer choice as to whether or not we will continue to nurture those pieces of ourselves, keeping them alive; or, if we will choose to retire those things, to prune them, or trim them — thanking those contributions for what we may have learned and saying it’s time to let them go.

This idea reminds me of the allegory of olive tree in Jacob 5, where not only is the House of Israel as a collective represented in the tree, or in the vineyard — with pieces that get grafted and moved around, and some that are productive, and some aren’t and get trimmed and burned — this is an image that works for you and I as individuals, too.

Why Remember Family?

On remembering our ancestors, I thought about the Disney Pixar movie from 2017, Coco,3 which touched me so much when I watched it. It was based on the mythical supposition that “if there’s no one left in the living world to remember you, then you disappear from [the spirit] world [or the afterlife].”

As Miguel, the main character, ventures into the world of the dead to connect with his long-past family, one of the matriarchs in his line tells him:

Miguel, I give you my blessing to go home and never forget how much your family cares for you.

Mamá Imelda, Coco

Now why might she say that?

Perhaps, it is because if you were to imagine your life and what your life would be like if you woke up every day and felt not only the infinite love of God and Christ for you, but also, if you had just an ounce of understanding and feeling of the love that your entire family tree has for you — everyone who has passed before you, all of their love, all of them rooting for you cheering you on, available to teach you something every day; if you could close your eyes, and see the faces of a hundred of your progenitors, and feel their strength and the lessons they have available to pass on to you from generation to generation — if all of that was welled up in you in a moment each day, wow. What a resource.

The Power of Family Stories

[Some] myth-shattering research years ago has reshaped our understanding of dinner-time discipline and difficult conversations [at home. They found that] The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: [which is to] develop a strong family narrative.

It was in the mid-90s, [when a psychologist at Emory University] was asked to help explore myth and ritual in American families. There had been a lot of research at the time [about what was causing the family to break down]. But [these researchers] were more interested in what families could do to counteract those forces [and be stronger together].

[At] that time, [the researcher’s wife … ] noticed something about [the] students [that she had in her classes, which was that] The ones who kn[e]w a lot about their families tend[ed] to do better when they face[d] challenges.

[The researchers went on that] Every family has a unifying narrative [… some are ascending, some are descending … but] the most [helpful and] healthy narrative [… they] call[] the oscillating narrative[, which might go something like this:]

Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar in the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we had setbacks. You ha[ve] an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost [his] job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.4

Bruce Feiler, NYT, “The Family Stories That Bind Us”

This narrative best lines up with the actual, observed realities of all individuals and families in mortality: we win some, we lose some. “The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh away.”5

So whether we like it or not that’s what’s going to happen to each of us.

And note that this little aphorism at the start of the Book of Job immediately precedes an indication of his (Job’s) choice of attitude with regard to that reality:

So the Lord giveth the Lord taketh away and … “Blessed be the name of the Lord” … in His giving and taking, and in our receiving and losing.

When Family Fails Us

Back to Elder Gong:

Just as joys come in families, so can sorrows. No individual is perfect, nor is any family. When those who should love, nurture and protect us fail to do so, we feel abandoned, embarrassed [and] hurt. Family can become a hollow shell.

[…] Yet, with heaven’s help, we can come to understand our family and make peace with each other.

emphasis added; Elder Gong

We can choose to not be bound by the inheritance given to us by the stories that have already been told. We can choose to learn to keep the best, to trim the worst, and improve that which yet has untapped potential.

As Elder Gong urges us:

Learn and acknowledge with gratitude and honesty your family heritage. [By honesty, I think what he means is don’t gloss over difficult truths. He continues:] Celebrate and become the positive and, where needed, humbly do everything possible not to pass on the negative.

Let good things begin with you.

emphasis added; Elder Gong

Write a New Story — But Keep the Good

I’ll be the first to say that it takes a lot of work to prune an inheritance that hurts and to do everything that’s possible to not pass on the negative. It’s a whole talk on its own. I can briefly summarize it by saying: feel completely and forgive wholeheartedly. The endeavor is a heroic effort to heal the wounds in a family tree.

But on becoming the positive, I’d like to look to a narrative structure that has shown up in stories told around the world through the millennium of the hero’s journey — wherein, an individual

  • decides to wander out beyond the gates of the home that he grew up in, get lost, find something new, see a problem that they decide is worth solving … and
  • once taking on that adventure, to go through a phase of suffering, being in an unfamiliar place, facing challenges and failures and setbacks, but continuing on and on and on and on, working towards solving that problem, which, at some point,
  • will culminate in the darkest moments — reaching the deepest pit, the dragon’s lair, the scariest cave — where we at least want to go … and, in that space,
  • discovering, finding something new — a solution, or a treasure — and with that,
  • returning home a new person,
  • sharing new knowledge with our families and communities that raised us.6

Jesus Redeems the Whole Family Tree, the Entire Family Story

The promise of Jesus Christ is that we can become our best story and our families can become happy forever. In all our generations, Jesus Christ heals the brokenhearted, delivers the captives, [and] sets at liberty them that are bruised.

emphasis added; Elder Gong

This promise applies to those who have already passed on.

We all have skeletons in our family tree, which, upon discovering may be kind of hard to swallow — especially when we find traces of those skeletons in ourselves, and in our shadows — our dark urges that seem out of line with the light that we seek and hope to radiate to others.

But, I believe in the infinite mercy and love of God. That, could we see to the other side of the veil now, we would more often than not see people in our family restored, humble in heart, and perhaps urging us to have courage to do better than did they, as well as pleading our forgiveness for the scars we have felt from that which they passed on.

I too believe that in the garden and on the cross, every bit of our life experience that’s hard to swallow was consumed on the altar. There isn’t a hurt, an urge, a nightmare, a habit, a scar or a wound that Jesus has yet to feel and heal.

[So] we each have a story. Come [and create] yours. […] Find your voice, [write] your song [and sing] your harmony [to] Him, [our God]. This is the very purpose for which God created the heavens and the earth and saw that they were good.

emphasis added; Elder Gong

We’re each a son or daughter of Heavenly Parents, born to mortality of fallen, earthly parents — yet, eternally endowed with unbounded potential.

The ultimate question of man is not who we are, but who we could be.7

Jordan B Peterson

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior, amen.

Sources

  1. “We Each Have a Story” by By Elder Gerrit W. Gong – Apr 2022 General Conference
  2. It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn, 2016
  3. Coco, Disney-Pixar, 2017
  4. “The Family Stories That Bind Us” by Bruce Feiler, published March 15, 2013 in New York Times
  5. Job 1:21 KJV
  6. Notes on The Hero’s Journey from Damon D’Amore
  7. Beyond Order by Jordan B Peterson,
By |2023-10-30T21:23:07-06:00July 10th, 2022|Faith, General Life|0 Comments
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Ideas for LDS Sacrament Meeting Talks

A friend posted: “I need some good topics for Sunday speakers. Hit me up with topics you have liked or would like to hear about.” Without any hesitation I banged out this list of ideas for LDS sacrament meeting talks.

A few of the immediate reactions:

Reaction to my ideas for LDS sacrament meeting talks

“If I ever write a book, you’re picking the title.”

“Holy cow! Where did all these come from? Seriously the titles alone speak a sermon.”

“Nat holy cow. If you just came up with those that is mind blowing.”

Spice up your Sunday meetings with these starting points off the beaten path.

If you write a sacrament talk or ask someone to speak from one of these titles, send me a copy or comment.

34 Ideas for LDS Sacrament Meeting Talks

When People Don’t Apologize: Forgiving and finding reconciliation with God

Would borrow from Forgiveness + Tribulation, a talk I gave fall 2019.

Honoring Fallen Parents: The Fifth Commandment and Romans 3:23

The Fifth Commandment enjoins: “Honor thy father and thy mother.”

Romans 3:23 says: “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

How can we, how do we, honor parents … when they have ALL fallen short—at best—and done real harm, at worst?

Mediating Identities: Being an independent agent AND part of a family, part of a ward, part of a Church at the same time

… for there is a God, and he hath created all things … both things to act and things to be acted upon … Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself.

2 Nephi 2:14-16

[M]en should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will … For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves.

D&C 58:26-27

vs.

And let every man esteem his brother as himself … And again I say unto you, let every man esteem his brother as himself. For what man among you having twelve sons, and is no respecter of them, and they serve him obediently, and he saith unto the one: Be thou clothed in robes and sit thou here; and to the other: Be thou clothed in rags and sit thou there—and looketh upon his sons and saith I am just? Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.

D&C 38:24-27

And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one.

John 17:22-23

Forgiving Ourselves: Letting go of shame, expectation, guilt and perfectionism

The Appeal of Hakuna Matata, and Gospel Prompts for Finding + Making Meaning in Shouldering Responsibility

“Time Isn’t Found, It Is Made” — and other pedestrian truisms the gospel turns upside down

I believe “time isn’t found, it is made” is a Henry B Eyring line. Need to verify.

We’re All Wart: How The Sword and the Stone helped me rediscover what it means to be a child of God

There’s so much to unpack from these opening 8 lines.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MuUQk-XwgA

Heavenly Mother & The Tree of Life: Symbols of Divine Femininity

7 Years of Plenty and 7 Years of Famine: What I am really learning to lay up in store for my family

The Good Samaritan: Seeing myself in every character

I Am Alma Too: Conversations with my present-day children of varying degrees of faith

(I don’t have kids. To someone who does, go for it.)

From Obedience to Integrity: The personal transformation to leader from follower

Skeletons in Our Closet: What to do when family history uncovers unsavory characters

The Prodigal’s Sibling: Learning to love as my father did

Cardinal Truth: Spiritual directions intimated by North, East, South and West

Seeing Thru a Glass Darkly: The beams that got in the way of knowing my parents, siblings and spouse

The Kingdom of God is Within Me … so why do I place so much stock in others’ accusations?

The Tarnished Rule: Consequences of misapplying The Golden Rule, and how I finally buffed out the error

Why Hope When You Can Ask … and Act?

Being Nice and Cowardice: Which, really, am I being?

Being Even As He Is: A Chapter on Courage

Every Day is a New World: Living with Creative Force in Every Moment

Clinging to Dregs: The unseen upside to keeping ourselves dirty and why we make that horrible tradeoff

Embracing Possibility: The absolute terror of becoming the best possible versions of ourselves

Letting Others Grow: The petty ways I’ve kept my friends & family small

No One is Coming: Stand Up and Lead Your Own **** Life

Taking Responsibility: Voluntarily shouldering the burdens of mortality and climbing upward to The City on a Hill

Empty Handed at the Pearly Gates: Coming to grips with my own vapidness from a life of ease

Oh, So You Think YOU Could Be a Prophet?

Admitting Laman and Lemuel are there to Mirror Me

Lehi and Alma: Grace for parents who “failed”

Ether 12:27: Weaknesses and Epic Fails which only now, a decade later, I can appreciate and be grateful for

Leaning on The Atonement to Overcome Humiliation

The Sound of Silence: Answering my own prayers

There you go. What ideas for LDS sacrament meeting talks do you have now?

By |2021-12-22T17:15:01-07:00April 27th, 2021|Faith|5 Comments
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Are we related? We could be cousins . . .

Are we related? Over Thanksgiving I found out I’m related to 12 of the 102 Mayflower passengers (5 directly), so if you have any connections there chances are good we could be cousins.

Are we related? We could be cousins.

How did I find this out?

www.RelativeFinder.org

Join my group and lets find an answer to the question “Are we related?”

The password is my first and last name together (this website without the ‘www’ and ‘.com’) — all lowercase, no spaces.

Even if we aren’t related, Relative Finder will show you if you’re related to a large basket of famous authors & poets, saints and popes, composers, entertainers, movie stars, sports figures, U.S. Presidents and their families, signers of The U.S. Constitution, signers of The Declaration of Independence, European royalty, scientists and technologists, and more.

FYI, if you’re a family history / genealogy noob . . . “3rd cousins twice removed” explained:

Your first cousins are the children of your parents’ siblings, i.e. your aunts & uncles’ kids. First cousins because you are the first generation down from the sibling connection.

Your second cousins are the kids of your parents’ cousins, or your grandparents’ siblings’ grandkids. Second cousins because you are two generations away from the sibling connection.

Now, your second cousins’ kids, what are they? Your second cousins, once removed. “Removed” just means however many generations down the ladder on either side. The smallest number of generation lines to the sibling connection is the “___ cousin” and the “___ removed” counts the rest.

So when my second cousins’ kids have kids … they will be my second cousins twice removed.

My Grandpa Doug‘s line goes way back to early U.S. colonial days so I’ve got some cool connections, a lot of which are through him. People including Oliver Wendell Holmes, Emerson, Thoreau, Steinbeck, Elvis, Harry Truman, Jefferson, the Bushes, Johnny Carson, Carrie Fisher . . . lots of people.

Pretty cool to find these things out.

If you need a hand getting into the group or set up with anything, post a comment.

Have fun, cuz.

By |2021-12-13T14:21:22-07:00November 26th, 2017|Faith, General Life|0 Comments
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Metabolizing Anxiety: Highlights from Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist (Ep 20)

If the mere mention of Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist in my bio hasn’t prompted you to listen, maybe these selections on metabolizing anxiety will.

Btw, these interviews are all Q&A based — usually two Qs per episode, this one has three. To get the backdrop on this metabolizing anxiety conversation, jump to the start of the third question and Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife’s answer at @ 22:00.

What follows are loose transcripts from the episode. I cut “you knows,” “I thinks,” and so on, and added content (in parentheses) that I believe accurately connects allusions to previously mentioned ideas so that it’s easier for you to follow the excerpts.

 

@ 34:33 – Giving people space to grow

To tolerate the discomfort of another’s discomfort is part of what it is to actually give people the space that they need to really grow, and to manage your own anxiety.

 

@ 35:59 – Metabolizing Anxiety

If you’re going to actually grow, you have to metabolize more anxiety within yourself and not use the people around you to manage what is your work, or what is your job, or what is your responsibility.

What is of virtue is to take 100% responsibility for exactly what your responsibility is — in a marriage, or in a family, or in any group — and 0% responsibility for what isn’t your responsibility.

That sounds very selfish, but that’s actually one of the most virtuous things you can do: to really do what your job is in any situation.

It also frees up other people to grow in the ways that they need to grow.

When we get in trouble is when we rush in to kind of get anxiety to go down in the moment, but then we stabilize and mature our destructive patterns.

The virtue in creating goodness is tolerating difficulty up front. That’s what sacrifice is: you take your difficulty up front to create something better ultimately.

It’s against our human nature (to do that, to sacrifice, to tolerate difficulty up front) — it’s natural man to not to do it (to avoid difficulty up front, escaping to an easier path). But what creates goodness and godliness is doing that (tolerating difficulty now).

 

@ 40:15 – When’s the time for metabolizing anxiety?

It’s when you’re having a hard conversation, and they’re pushing on those buttons on you that you like to react to, that you get all self-righteous about.

Instead of getting self-righteous and reacting, you calm yourself down and you stay constructive. That’s what I’m talking about in the “real time”: that you don’t (use) your losing strategies, which are the reactive things we do that feel good in the moment but that keep suffering alive.

You have to really track what it is you do (habitually) so that you can push yourself to do the better thing in the face of a lot of pressure to do the thing that’s familiar. (Catching yourself before you do the familiar thing) is what development is all about.

 

@ 42:56 – The effect of metabolizing anxiety

When you step into new action, or action that’s driven by a sense of what you believe is right, even if it’s hard, you literally expand your capacity as a person, and you expand your sense of self.

 

@ 43:52 – Metabolizing anxiety includes not doing the familiar thing to get validation

Many of us prefer to kind of just do and deal with the (familiar) things that (have, in the past, managed to get us) validation from the other person, and so we constrict our relationships (to doing just those things, even if they are losing strategies that perpetuate suffering) to our detriment.

We have to work against that natural-man tendency.

 

Ask A Mormon Sex Therapist is a sub series of the Rational Faiths podcast.

Have a listen.

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”]

Metabolizing Anxiety

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

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By |2021-01-15T15:37:22-07:00August 31st, 2017|Faith, General Life|0 Comments
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Neal A Maxwell: A Complete Chronology of His Talks and Speeches

In mid 2016, I read a book by Neal A Maxwell. Shortly after, I embarked on listening to his entire BYU Speeches archive, in chronological order.

I listened to many of these talks while making the long drive from Salt Lake to Heber City. At the time I was seeing someone who lived in Heber, and each time we made plans to get together I looked forward as much to her company as I did to the drive from my home in Millcreek, up Parley’s Canyon, past Park City and back down into the neighboring valley — my quiet, private time with Neal. The drive being an hour each way, I listened to one talk there and another on the way home.

In 2017, I started listening to the entire archive of his General Conference talks.

His perspectives certainly colored this piece I wrote, where I included just one of his golden nuggets.

I thought I’d put together all the speeches and talks of this man who seemed so well to maintain proper perspective for all life’s experience. For as he once said, “This world is not the one we are preparing for.”

The first book I read was We Will Prove Them Herewith. I think it’s out of print, but you can find it on Amazon.

Will update this with all of his Ensign articles, books, etc. I have a book that isn’t on the Wikipedia books list, so I think it will take some work.

I also recommend his biography, A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A Maxwell, which I finished fall 2017.

Neal A Maxwell - A Disciple's Life

From the Life of Neal A Maxwell

b. Jul. 6, 1926

1970 – Appointed Commissioner of Church Education

1970 – Feb. 23 – Spiritual Ecology – BYU/CES

1971 – Oct. 23 – Mormon Milieu – BYU/CES

1972 – A Time to Choose – Deseret Book

1972 – Apr. 27 – Freedom: A “Hard Doctrine” – BYU/CES

1974 – Jan. 15 – Family Perspectives – BYU/CES

1974 – Apr. 6 – Called as Assistant to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

1974 – Apr. – Response to a Call – LDS General Conference

1974 – Sep. 1 – But for a Small Moment – BYU/CES

1974 – Oct. – Why Not Now? – LDS General Conference

1975 – Apr. – The Man of Christ – LDS General Conference

1976 – Jan. 4 – Taking up the Cross – BYU/CES

1976 – Apr. – “Jesus of Nazareth, Savior and King” – LDS General Conference

1976 – Oct. 1 – Called to the Presidency of the First Quorum of the Seventy

1976 – Oct. – Notwithstanding My Weakness – LDS General Conference

1976 – Oct. 26 – Insights from My Life – BYU/CES

1977 – Nov. 8 – All Hell Is Moved – BYU/CES

1978 – Feb. – The Gospel Gives Answers to Life’s Problems – Ensign/Liahona

1978 – Apr. – The Women of God – LDS General Conference

1978 – Oct. 10 – Meeting the Challenges of Today – BYU/CES

1979 – Nov. 27 – Patience – BYU/CES

1980 – Apr. 21 – In This Time of Complexity and Challenge – BYU/CES

1980 – Oct. – The Net Gathers of Every Kind – LDS General Conference

1980 – Oct. 7 – True Believers in Christ – BYU/CES

1981 – Jul. 23 – Called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

1981 – Sep. 15 – Grounded, Rooted, Established, and Settled (Ephesians 3:17, 1 Peter 5:10) – BYU/CES

1981 – Oct. – “O, Divine Redeemer” – LDS General Conference

1982 – Apr. – “A Brother Offended” – LDS General Conference

1982 – Sep. 5 – Meekly Drenched in Destiny – BYU/CES

1982 – Oct. – “Be of Good Cheer” – LDS General Conference

1983 – Feb. 18 – Try the Virtue of the Word of God – BYU/CES

1983 – Apr. – “Shine As Lights in the World” – LDS General Conference

1983 – Oct. – Joseph, the Seer – LDS General Conference

1984 – Apr. – The Great Plan of the Eternal God – LDS General Conference

1984 – Jun. – Friend to Friend – Liahona

The subtitle of this article is “From a personal interview by Janet Peterson with Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve.”

And from this article comes this quote, which is plastered all over the internet and attributed to Elder Maxwell without proper citation — in all but one instance.

Elder Maxwell would like to give this message to the children of the Church: “It’s extremely important for you to believe in yourselves, not only for what you are now, but for what you have the power to become. Trust in the Lord as He leads you along. He has things for you to do that you won’t know about now, but that will be revealed later. If you stay close to Him, you will have some great adventures. You will live in a time when instead of just talking about prophecies that will sometime be fulfilled, many of them will actually be fulfilled. The Lord will unfold your future bit by bit.”

The internet memes and quote-spiration pages often end the quote here, although the conclusion is:

All the easy things that the Church has had to do have been done, so you’re going to live in a time of high adventure. You were brought to this earth because you can handle that time of adventure, and you will do well.

So long as Janet Peterson transcribed her notes correctly, what can we do but say this is indeed Elder Maxwell.

Kudos to Tim Tanner for tracking down and citing the Liahona source in his Aug 6, 2019 BYU-I devotional address.

1984 – Oct. – “Out of Obscurity” – LDS General Conference

1984 – Dec. 4 – If Thou Endure Well – BYU/CES

1985 – Mar. 19 – Part of Destiny – BYU-I/CES

1985 – Apr. – “Willing to Submit” – LDS General Conference

1985 – Oct. – Premortality, a Glorious Reality – LDS General Conference

1986 – Feb. 7 – Good and Evil Spoken of Among All People – BYU Management Society

  • Address given at a dinner event of the BYU Management Society, Washington, D.C. Chapter.
  • Only exists as two print copies — no known recording or transcript. Print copies on file at HBLL Special Collections – Americana Collection, BX 8608 .A1 no.2968.

1986 – Mar. 30 – Joseph Smith: “A Choice Seer” – BYU/CES

1986 – Apr. – “Called and Prepared from the Foundation of the World” – LDS General Conference

1986 – Oct. – “God Will Yet Reveal” – LDS General Conference

1986 – Oct. 11 – Great Answers to the Great Question – BYU/CES

1986 – Oct. 21 – “Meek and Lowly” – BYU/CES

1987 – Apr. – “Overcome … Even As I Also Overcame” – LDS General Conference

1987 – Oct. – “Yet Thou Art There” – LDS General Conference

1988 – Apr. – “For I Will Lead You Along” – LDS General Conference

1988 – Oct. – “Answer Me” – LDS General Conference

1989 – Mar. 26 – “A Wonderful Flood of Light” – BYU/CES

1989 – Apr. – Irony: The Crust on the Bread of Adversity – LDS General Conference

1989 – Oct. – “Murmur Not” – LDS General Conference

1990 – Feb. 4 – The Children of Christ – BYU/CES

1990 – Apr. – “Endure It Well” – LDS General Conference

1990 – Oct. – Put Off the Natural Man, and Come Off Conqueror – LDS General Conference

1991 – Mar. 31 – “In Him All Things Hold Together” – BYU/CES

1991 – Apr. – “Lest Ye Be Wearied and Faint in Your Minds” – LDS General Conference

1991 – Sep. 27 – On Consecration, Scholarship, and the Defense of the Kingdom (pp 12-21 in the PDF, printed as pages x-xix) – FARMS

  • The version linked to above is the transcription Daniel C. Peterson published in the Interpreter in 2003. Peterson got the transcription from Matthew Roper, who was present and recorded the speech, and then transcribed it on 5 October 1991, slightly more than a week after the event. As far as anyone knows, that recording (and no others) exist.
  • This speech is more commonly known by the title “Discipleship and Scholarship,” under which it was published in condensed and polished form by BYU Studies in 1992.
  • That he would speak at the FARMS annual banquet in the Wilkinson Student Center at BYU is reported in the Sep 1991 FARMS newsletter, INSIGHTS, page 5.

1991 – Oct. – Repentance – LDS General Conference

1992 – Apr. – “My Servant Joseph” – LDS General Conference

1992 – Aug. 18 – The Inexhaustible Gospel – BYU/CES

1992 – Oct. – “Settle This in Your Hearts” – LDS General Conference

1993 – Apr. – “Behold, the Enemy Is Combined” (D&C 38:12) – LDS General Conference

1993 – Jul. 4 – Provo 1993 Freedom Festival Fireside – BYU/CES

1993 – Aug. 25 – Wisdom and Order – BYU/CES

1993 – Aug. 26 – Out of the Best Faculty – BYU/CES

1993 – Oct. – “From the Beginning” – LDS General Conference

1994 – Mar. 27 – “Called to Serve” – BYU/CES

1994 – Apr. – “Take Especial Care of Your Family” – LDS General Conference

1994 – Oct. – “Brightness of Hope” – LDS General Conference

1995 – Apr. – “Deny Yourselves of All Ungodliness” – LDS General Conference

1995 – Jun. – untitled – BYU 19-stake fireside held in the Marriott Center

Neal A. Maxwell fireside, 1995 June 4, UA 1197 Series 1 Sub-Series 9 Item 6273, Carton: 34. Brigham Young University sound recordings, UA 1197. L. Tom Perry Special Collections. University Archives. https://archives.lib.byu.edu/repositories/17/archival_objects/198560 Accessed October 29, 2024.

1995 – Oct. – “Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father” – LDS General Conference

1996 – Jan. 23 – “Brim with Joy” – BYU/CES

1996 – Apr. – “Becometh As a Child” – LDS General Conference

1996 – Oct. – “According to the Desire of [Our] Hearts” – LDS General Conference

1997 – Apr. – “From Whom All Blessings Flow” – LDS General Conference

1997 – Oct. – “Apply the Atoning Blood of Christ” – LDS General Conference

1998 – Jan. 4 – The Pathway of Discipleship – BYU/CES

1998 – Apr. – “Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel” – LDS General Conference

1998 – Oct. – Hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ – LDS General Conference

1999 – Jan. 12 – Sharing Insights from My Life – BYU/CES

1999 – Apr. – “Repent of [Our] Selfishness” (D&C 56:8) – LDS General Conference

1999 – Oct. – Lessons from Laman and Lemuel – LDS General Conference

2000 – Feb. – Jesus, the Perfect Mentor – BYU/CES

2000 – Apr. – Content with the Things Allotted unto Us – LDS General Conference

2000 – Oct. – The Tugs and Pulls of the World – LDS General Conference

2001 – Apr. – “Plow in Hope” – LDS General Conference

2001 – Oct. – The Seventh Commandment:A Shield – LDS General Conference

2002 – Apr. – Consecrate Thy Performance – LDS General Conference

2002 – Oct. – Encircled in the Arms of His Love – LDS General Conference

2003 – Apr. – Care for the Life of the Soul – LDS General Conference

2003 – Oct. – How Choice a Seer! – LDS General Conference

2004 – Mar. 16 – “Free to Choose” – BYU/CES

2004 – Mar 19 – Blending Research and Revelation – adaptation of remarks made at BYU President’s Leadership Council Meetings

2004 – Apr. – Remember How Merciful the Lord Hath Been – LDS General Conference

d. July 21, 2004

Neal A Maxwell: A Man with Perspective

Sources:

BYU Speeches by Neal A Maxwell

LDS General Conference Archive of Neal A Maxwell

More Interesting Neal A Maxwell Resources:

Maxwell Bibliography. An on-going project by Tyler Snow. Elder Maxwell’s lifetime cited works, grouped into Books, JD, HC and CHC, and then sorted by frequency of citations.

From “A” to “Z”: A is for Alliteration, Z is for Zion. By Don Duncan. 1997. (Working on converting this to a spreadsheet format.)

By |2024-10-29T21:32:34-06:00June 29th, 2017|Faith|79 Comments
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For My Future Mate: The Pillars of Our Partnership

Hey babe,

Been thinking about you.

I don’t know what you’ve been up to, but I’m sure it’s good and I can’t wait to find out. I’ve been working on this thing I’m calling The Pillars of Our Partnership. I’d give anything for a window into your world, if even for only an hour. Here’s a little window into mine.

The other day I was telling Nate, you know, my buddy who started The Loveumentary — the podcast where he’s interviewed hundreds of couples and relationship experts like Gary Chapman who invented the 5 Love Languages — yeah, that guy. I was telling Nate I think he needs an anthem.

Not a song (are all anthems songs?) but like a creed.

(Brian, from Boston, said, “yo! a manifesto!”)

Yes, a manifesto.

A statement of values, the pillars he is gonna preach and that he can build a community around. Something that people listening to Loveumentary episodes, and who might show up to one of his events or a conference or a meetup or join a Loveumentary Facebook group, could all point to as the foundation of what they are working on in their relationships, and a set of ideals they can use when offering support to each other. In Seth Godin language, it’s the “people like us do stuff like this” situation. For Nate, “things like this” hasn’t been codified (yet).

So I suggested he do that.

A few days later I thought, “why wait on Nate? I’ll write my own.”

Before I share what I’ve got, a few obvious things:

[1] It’s a work in progress.

It’s about partnership, and until you and I actually start working on our partnership, all this counts as preparation.

And preparing for a thing isn’t the same as doing the thing.

[2] Perhaps even more importantly, I can’t even say we’ve come to a “first draft” until you add your say.

What’s below are my words. I know I’ve come a long way in learning and practicing the fundamentals of partnership, so I believe in my contribution, but that’s just it. It’s my contribution and I’m awaiting yours to round out this super rough draft.

I know you’ve got so much to contribute that’s unique and powerful. What you’re doing right now, what you’re learning . . . ah, I can’t even imagine how much awesome you have to contribute. Your perspective will deeply impact my understanding of partnership, as well as my performance of actually being your partner.

[3] These aren’t practices and positions I’ve perfected. I am a work in progress. It’s OK that you are too.

Just as preparing for a thing isn’t the same as doing the thing, knowing enough about something I’m striving for to write a handful of paragraphs about it doesn’t mean I’ve come anywhere near mastering the practice of it. Working with and toward the ideal of these pillars is something we’ll do together. I imagine that even if starting in a “maximally prepared” state (I read all the books! Listened to all the podcasts! Went to ALL the seminars!), actually being in a partnership will be incredibly challenging, shaping, stretching and growth-inducing. (Those are positively sounding words for HARD, incredibly frustrating and at times SUPER challenging.)

So yeah . . . this is my first cut and I eagerly await your input to get us to draft 1.

From there, every year and month and day we’ll get to revise and refine.

Preface

There are a couple life fundamentals that aren’t unique to partnership in my book, but are necessary pillars for living. Those are Choice, Responsibility and Communication.

Choice: people get to choose and we not only tolerate choice, we celebrate and embrace it . . . man, this is the first one and I’ve already re-written it several times. There are SO MANY THINGS that go into what all I mean by “choice” and how important it is. Our words and actions allow for others to choose. Every moment is a surprise because in humility we cannot predict and should not judge what others will do, and even when we do predict and predict correctly, we don’t arrogantly assume our prediction had anything to do with the outcome. Like I said, there’s a lot here. I could really use your help boiling down my thoughts. God’s ultimate gift to us is power to choose; we choose, circumstances and other people don’t choose for us no matter how much it seems the contrary, and we’re responsible for our choices.

Responsibility: directly following choice . . . because people choose, they and they alone are responsible for their choices and the following consequences. If this has a boundary where it’s no longer the case or becomes conditional, I don’t know where that is yet. This makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable at times. Especially nowadays when people love to blame life’s circumstances on “the system” or “the man” or some external object. Yikes. Ah . . .  so much to say!

Here’s another thing on my mind in this realm: expectations! Expectations are like choices we try to make for other people. They represent, among many things, made up rules we think everyone knows and has agreed to, even when they haven’t.

Example close to us and what we may face as we date: “If you really wanted to be a good boyfriend, THEN you would _____.” SAYS WHO? I mean, maybe. But is there a DEFINITIVE manual on being a good boyfriend? No! So if you WANT me to ____, ASK me. If you don’t ask . . . I may . . .  but I also may not! It may not be something I’m even thinking about . . . so if you want to be sure it happens, and you’re thinking about it, then ask me! Then I can choose to say Yes or No. And then I’ll be responsible for it, truly, because I have chosen.

Wow, there’s so much in here about boundaries of responsibility to unpack, but for now I’ll say: no circumstance can force choice upon a person, all choices are ours, therefore all results are ours.

OK OK OK some more here too . . . when it comes to development and personal needs, it’s my job to find out what I need to learn, it’s my job to then learn what I need to learn, it’s my job to seek mentors and teachers, it’s my job to learn and develop; it’s my job to be healthy, it’s my job to be fulfilled, it’s my job to discover what I like and what nurtures me and then do the work to obtain those things; it’s my job to ‘discover’ and decide what’s important to me — my values; it’s my job to declare for myself that “I am enough.” It’s no one else’s job to do any of those things for me. The same is true for you. Can I ask for help? Absolutely. I look forward to yours. Can you ask me for help with those things? Absolutely, I want you to.

Communication: pretty inescapable from the above on responsibility. Communication is . . . using words to express yourself as accurately as you can — yourself, meaning mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually; all the aspects of you.

Communication is using the words “will you” for requests (see my unfinished rant on people saying “Do you want to ____?” as an imperative or invitation). In response to people’s requests, communication is using the words “Yes,” “No,” or “No, and here’s my counter offer.” Communication is verbally expressing wants and desires, and then for the ones you want right now actually making the request (Will you…?) beyond the statement of desire.

Communication is transforming all internally held desires/hopes/expectations into words. Communication is not ever putting someone else in a position to mind-read their way to connecting/helping/working with/serving/loving you. Communication is not attempting to mind read, but is instead asking questions to let the person you are interested in hearing from speak the truth from their own mouth rather than getting answers from your imagination.

Communication is knowing you can only hold people to the promises they have actually made with speech and signatures (that sounds like responsibility and choice too).

Communication is acknowledging fulfilled promises and healthy behaviors; I think that’s a not-yet-complete functional definition of gratitude.

Communication is: owning and stating your stake in the ground, what’s important to you, what you value, the thoughts and intents of your heart, and taking the responsibility to let the world know what you’ve chosen in those realms.

See? I need your help here.

What’s missing? And how can it be said better . . . more simply and in fewer words?

With all that in the background . . .

Here’s my start at:

The Pillars of Our Partnership

The Pillars of Our Partnership
Not a stock photo — snapped this at Yale. Inside there are memorials for every student who has ever served and died in the U.S. Armed Forces. I was moved.

Why Partnership?

Because we believe that all performance is elevated and enhanced when done with the support of a dedicated partner. Even if the ‘act’ is solo (such as running a race or giving a speech or performing a piece of music) . . . a human preparing/practicing/living/acting without a dedicated partner will always, in the long run, underperform a human acting with the support of a dedicated partner.

What do I mean by dedicated?

Tennis star + coach  >  tennis star + coach(*0)

tennis star + coach + spouse  >  tennis star + coach + spouse(*0)

A coach could be called a partner. But a coach isn’t a dedicated partner. A coach is a partner for the activity they coach. A dedicated partner is a partner for all things.

This ‘math’ is our belief.

And it’s not performance alone that’s elevated and enhanced, but experience too.

Shared sorrow is half sorrow.

Shared joy is double joy.

Remember in Into The Wild when Alex Super Tramp writes “happiness only real when shared”? Yeah. All experience of that sort happens in the space between the Self and another.

And on.

The Pillars: Priority, Striving, Belief, Equality, Service, Togetherness, Forgiving, Vulnerability, Unconditionality

Priority: Partnership is a relationship that comes first. When I can respond to several people, I respond to you first. When I choose to allocate my time to several opportunities, I allocate time for us first. Regardless of circumstance or proportion and in all cases of competing choices, consideration goes to our partnership first.

Striving: I am a human. You are a human. I live and act imperfectly. Even when my intent is thoroughly pure, my actions will fall short and be laced with imperfection. The measuring stick, therefore, is not result or absolute ability. What counts is striving, putting forth effort that matches the bounds of present ability, accompanied with a willing heart that were it immortal and perfect would perform perfectly. Jesus asked if anyone had any fishes and loaves. He didn’t complain when the numbers were few. They gave what they had, and He made that work. Likewise, I give what I have and you make that work. You give what you have and I make that work. Together, we give grace to each other for our imperfect humanity.

Belief: Ready for this?

  • I believe in my own goodness. You believe in me believing in my own goodness. I believe in you, believing in me, believing in my own goodness.
  • You believe in your own goodness. I believe in you believing in your own goodness. You believe in me, believing in you, believing in your own goodness.

This is the ever presence and victory of belief (over fear and doubt). We give each other the benefit of the doubt. We assume first and always that the other has and is acting with the best intent — even when it seems and feels there’s ill will or intent to do harm. We assume positive will because we believe in each other’s goodness.

Believing in goodness also means believing you always have something to contribute and teach, while believing the other has something to contribute and teach you. Belief is believing in value.

Belief includes courage, and when I say, “you are enough,” you believe it, you believe that for me it really is enough and because I haven’t said so, I truly am not expecting more.

Equality: I hold myself to the same standards to which I hold you. Every agreement is a two-way street. Everything we ask for is also something we are willing to give. What applies to me, applies just the same to you.

Service . . . and Acceptance of Service: This is a pillar to love AND be loved. It’s not enough to give. Sometimes giving is easy. Service here is also to receive it. Sometimes, it is hard to receive help and support.

I look for ways to serve you, you look for ways to serve me.

You look for ways to ask me to serve you, I look for ways to ask you to serve me.

We both ask for help and support and service from the other. Especially in areas where we know the other may be lacking competence, comfort and confidence.

Because I know you embrace my meager, imperfect offerings of service, I look forward to you asking me to do things I’m no good at doing, but that will make the world of difference for you and for us. This is one way I really show my love and demonstrate Priority. Likewise, I look forward to asking for your help with things I know will be hard for you or that you may not enjoy, but you’ll strive (just as I strive) to serve because you, like me (equality), put us first (priority), being more willing to serve our partnership and be possibly embarrassed or frustrated, than tickle those insecurities and withdraw from growing our union.

Togetherness: We do all things together. See above re: how this holds even for solo performances.

You still have your victories, I still have mine. You are still responsible for your choices, as I am responsible for mine.

And yet we embrace an element of togetherness in all things.

We invite and value and recognize an element of shared victory. Of contributing service that enhanced the outcome. Of a material impact worthy of acknowledgement and commendation.

We don’t have boundaries about “my things” and “your things.” There’s always some shred of sharing and togetherness. If it isn’t obvious, or if it’s tempting to do solo and to push the other away, we resist that urge and look for and invent some way to do all things together.

Why? Because at least tangential involvement is always possible, and because of complementariness: my strengths support your weaknesses, my weaknesses are supported by your strengths. Complementary support IS how we grow together. And that’s what we’re committed to as partners: growing, excelling, experiencing . . . together.

Are we attached at the hip? No. Do we text each other every hour of the day? No. Do we relay every thing that happened to each other every day? No. Must we like the same things? No. Must we always travel together? No. Is asking for space ok? Yes, with a definite time limit of when we’ll reconnect.

All experiences are OPPORTUNITIES to grow individually and they are LEARNING experiences in how to come closer together, more fully knowing each other, operating together and fulfilling … partnership.

Forgiving: I see two kinds here.

One is forgiving in response to misperception: seeing that our experience of hurt follows our mistakingly and temporarily believing the other’s intent was for harm or driven by ill will. To come around and believe there was no ill intent and our hurt was not desired is to forgive. It’s not so much forgiving me as I didn’t intend to harm, but it’s forgiving yourself and our mutual imperfect communication that led to your misunderstanding. This again is a humble acknowledgment and an embrace of our common humanity, and it is where leaning on the Lord is so helpful. I didn’t mean for you to feel hurt. Yet, you felt hurt. It’s OK, because He felt that hurt. He can take the hurt. I didn’t want you to have the hurt. But now you’ve got it. Give it to Him. You can be whole.

The second kind is forgiving in response to actual ill will or intent to harm. I pray these situations between us will be few and far between. Ideally, never. To not include forgiving as a pillar would condition partnership on perfection. Perfection is unattainable in this mortal sphere. The moments we stand on this part of this pillar will hurt the most.

But the Lord has healed me and He has healed you. We can be made whole again and again and again.

Vulnerability: Vulnerability is a particular type of communication. It’s communication where you and I share and express all our thoughts and feelings, even the ugly ones.

There is a boundary here which is “dumping.” That’s vomiting all the nasty, which is sharing all that with no commitment for healing, improvement, forgiveness, etc. That’s not vulnerability. That twisted “vulnerability” is a form of dominating and emotional manipulation.

As Brené Brown says:

“Real authenticity actually requires major self-monitoring and isn’t . . . [communication with] the lack of self-monitoring.”

Healthy vulnerability, what I’m talking about, is that anything could be shared. There’s a willingness to share anything, and what actually gets shared is the complete truth of what’s relevant. (What’s relevant? Hmmmm . . . )

Vulnerability, in both directions is knowing it’s OK to be fully transparent because sometimes thoughts and feelings are just passing by and temporary . . . and hanging on to them and not sharing them has a way of keeping them around longer and allowing them to do more harm. So we share them, to be honest about how we feel and where we’re at in the moment. And (together) we work through them so they soften and then lose their grip.

It’s OK to share because I can stack up what you’re thinking and feeling in the moment as an experience you’re really having and not as something you’re committed to forever. And likewise, you won’t hold anything I ever share over my head, especially the stuff that I’m passing through. How can I say this better? Maybe we can borrow straight up from Neal A. Maxwell and Joseph Smith:

“Our light speeches from time to time, have nothing to do with the fixed principles of our hearts” said Joseph Smith. Should we not distinguish between the utterances of the moment and considered opinions? Do not all of us wish for that same understanding on the part of our friends, hoping they, “with the breath of kindness,” will “blow the chaff away”? (NAM, Mar 1986)

More . . . some of this came out in the section on service: vulnerability is asking for things that seem and feel hard to ask for . . . help where it feels embarrassing you can’t do it alone, desires that seem dark or weird or unconventional, challenges you’d rather me not know that you have.

Vulnerability is sharing the “darkness” within. Our inner demons. Our naughty thoughts. Our carnal natures. We all have light, and darkness. Vulnerability is letting down all propriety in each other’s company. It’s OK to be 100% you, even all the things you’ve ever thought were never OK about yourself.

Everything that’s there is you, and all that makes up the you that you are that I love. Therefore, it’s OK to share.

What else?

Vulnerability is also this: I can be strong for everyone in the world, but you are the one person where it’s OK for me to expose myself completely . . . I don’t always have to be strong for you. I will be strong. I will be strong with you and for you. But in my weakest moments, it’s OK to bare my all and be completely weak and exposed. It’s OK to have moments of powerlessness with you, moments where you have total advantage over me. And it’s OK because you’ll love me still. And I’ll love you still. And you won’t take advantage of me. And I won’t take advantage of you. And we won’t abuse the privilege of seeing the other in our weakest, most exposed positions.

I am a man. I’m supposed to be strong . . . and with you, just you, my partner, it’s OK in those moments if I’m not strong. While I’m strong for everyone else, you are the one person who gets to be strong for me.

Unconditionality: We live and choose and speak and love and act on these pillars. No. Matter. What. Nothing you do earns my fulfillment of my promises. Nothing I do causes me to deserve your fulfillment of your promises. We each, independent of the other, at all times and in all things, choose to strive to fulfill our promise in the partnership.

# # #

Whew.

I have no idea how grand and soul-stretching a journey this is going to be.

If being an entrepreneur has been a rollercoaster, then I imagine we’re in for the face-smashing, extreme-Gs of interstellar space travel. But tell you what, and this is probably obvious, I’m up for it. Not looking for an ordinary-tier partnership. I want and am working and will work for what’s extraordinary.

So, there they are for now: nine Pillars of Our Partnership.

Nine though? Don’t like the number. Would rather there be 8 or 10 or 12. I bet you’ll point out some biggies I left out. We’ll get there.

I’m so . . . just brimming and teeming with anticipation for you and what you’ll add.

When you get this, will you holler?

Onward and upward,

Nat Harward

P.S. also toying with mottos, crests, etc. “Truth and Kindness, in Deed and Word.” <== What do you think? (what led to this: strive to be kind, but never demote the truth. Words are powerful, but greater sermons are preached in action.)

P.P.S. [Nov 15] Had this thought . . . conflict and negotiation gotta go somewhere, right? Are they pillars? I don’t know . . . conflict is inevitable, you and I will never be 100% on the same page and that’s a good thing because it means we’re both continuing to have unique and meaningful contributions. We need each other. And when we’re not on the same exact page, that reality requires negotiation . . . which is communication that gets at how two people who want to choose differently will then choose to choose together . . . ok, so maybe there’s a second tier of pillars, things that combine pillars . . . communication + choice + togetherness ==> conflict; resolving conflict requires negotiation.

P.P.P.S. Guaranteed I will keep thinking of more facets; this chain of post-scripts will prolly get mighty long. Will work in those thoughts with you.

P.S.x4 [Nov 16] The word mindfulness belongs here. It’s laced in throughout already, but is so distinct it deserves to stand on its own, no? Perhaps as a pillar of living and there’s a version of it for partnership.

By |2023-11-05T21:00:28-07:00November 14th, 2016|Faith, General Life|3 Comments
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Redcoats and Running: An Ode to My Grandpa Doug

My grandpa died today.

Grandpa Doug was about 6 weeks shy of his 97th birthday.

Or, he died last night. We’re not sure. Some time in his sleep he said bye to his tired and aged bag of bones and went on to that realm of spirits where now he communes freely with his wife, Nedra, his siblings and other friends and family already there.

Reunited.
Reunited.

My Grandpa Doug grew up in Plymouth, Massachusetts and moved to Los Angeles as a young lad to finish art school.

There he met my grandmother, found work doing industrial art + design, and settled to raise his family within sighting distance of the nightly Disneyland fireworks, where he stayed until today.

There are 2 pictures embedded from Instagram on this post and they often don’t show on the first page load. (Why?!) If you don’t see 3 model cars below, reload/refresh or click here and here to see Grandpa Doug.

 

Grandpa: drove the red one from MA to CA and later his family in the Bel Air.

A photo posted by Nat Harward (@natharward) on

For years, I knew him as an artist.

Doing cool things like …

The Flying White House Letterhead
My Grandpa Doug designed this letterhead for Air Force One … before it was Air Force One.

The Flying White House
Pretty rad family history, huh?

When I was 26 I visited him for a few days.

In that 1:1 time, I discovered my grandpa was more than an artist. He was a writer too.

He wrote regularly for his company’s management journal … editorials on life, leadership, service, being great, being a citizen.

I snapped pictures of a few of them.

And today I’m sharing one of his editorials because he wrote it about today.

Not about his death, but about today …

… the day the world gathers near his home for the marathon of marathons, The Boston Marathon

… the day students across America’s schools read and recite Longfellow’s tale of the midnight ride of Paul Revere

… the day that marks the moment when one man, standing among 70-some of his fellow farmers and blacksmith countrymen, stared down 700+ Redcoats between Lexington and Concord and dared to take The Shot Heard ‘Round the World

… the day we call Patriots’ Day

From Grandpa Doug:

Until recent years, April 19th was a holiday in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts — Patriots’ Day, in commemoration of the rag-tag colonial revolutionaries who beat the British Redcoats on the battlefields of Lexington and Concord on that day following the famous midnight ride of Paul Revere.

Today, like many American holidays, Patriots’ Day has become a flexible holiday, a weekend extension, hence this year’s celebration on April 17th. Also, like many America holidays, it is less remembered for its original significance than for a sporting event of national interest. On New Year’s Day, it’s the bowl games, on Memorial Day, the Indianapolis 500, and in Boston on Patriots’ Day, it’s the Marathon.

We remember such a day, more than forty years ago, when we took a twenty-mile round trip bicycle ride to see the Boston Marathon. In those days, everyone was interested in the performance of a past winner, a high school teacher and former heart patient named Clarence DeMar who started running as a young man and continued until his death when was in his seventies. There was always a Johnny Kelly in the race and at least one of them won it two or three times.

Running, it seemed, was a localized craze confined to the Greater Boston area, and anyone could do it — rich, poor, large or small, youngster or senior citizen. One winner, “Tarzan” Brown, a Narraganset Indian, was so poor that his taped shoes hung in shreds on his blistered feet at the end of the 26 miles.

Today, the running craze has spread across the country and to other parts of the world as well. Most people don’t consider themselves athletes, certainly not competitors out to win races. Running is just good healthy exercise and an opportunity to clear the mind, and, especially if you run early in the morning, to prepare yourself both physically and mentally for the rigors of the day ahead.

Only by staying mentally and physically fit can we expect to win any future battles with whatever Redcoats may block the path to freedom.

— Douglas C. Tubbs

Love you, Grandpa.

For my daily list of 10+ new ideas, I dedicated the time to gratitude for you:

  1. Thanks for staying mentally fit.
  2. Thanks for working to be as physically strong as you could through heart troubles and broken hips.
  3. Thanks, more importantly, for having the heart to rally the hearts of all your family … our family … in respect, connection and love.
  4. For framing one of my drawings when I was a kid, I felt so validated.
  5. For your courage to drive across the country and finish art school in LA.
  6. For patiently pursuing greatness in life … in courting Nedra, in your craft of drawing, in writing, and in joining the Church and being a disciple of all good things of Jesus.
  7. For joining the Church and embracing what you could love about what the restored gospel offers.
  8. For holding down the fort in LA so we could visit that great part of the country and have family there to be with (Disneyland!).
  9. For having a cheerful countenance.
  10. For learning to whistle, and doing it shamelessly and gleefully … and sometimes completely unconsciously.
  11. For wanting family to be together, to be friendly, to be on good terms.
  12. For hosting me at your place for a few nights in 2012.
  13. For supporting the family in gathering in big celebrations for your birthday every 5 years from the 80th and on.
  14. For doing all you did to teach and show my mom the ways of language and writing and art.
  15. For enjoying yummy food and wanting us to as well.
  16. For being interested in and asking about my life — my various entrepreneurial ventures, my travels, being a triathlete.
  17. For answering the phone whenever I called.
  18. For loving, really, unconditionally.

See you on the other side 🙂

By |2021-05-06T17:04:08-06:00April 18th, 2016|General Life|1 Comment
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